Bestiality’s in; Homosexuality’s Out

So, Disney has managed to slip a homosexual reference into their new film “Beauty and the Beast”, and like clockwork, the zealots are ready to boycott. The new Beast is the studio’s latest live-action rendition of their animated classics. Reimagining their animated films as live-action counterparts appears to be Disney’s latest in cheap, cinematic trends; but, when you’re the head (no pun intended) of movie magic, you can literally afford to waste parent’s time by slipping in the same movie twice. And I gotta’ tell you, if that were the end of it, I’d dress in rags, and march with a pitchfork and torch chanting, “Kill the Beast!” along with the next nut who has nothing else to do, only, that isn’t even a passing thought in the reason behind protesting the film. Instead, certain self-professed Christians are now pandering to anyone who’ll entertain their silly drivel, in an effort to discourage others not to watch the new film. Their reason? What has only been described in passing as; a homosexual “moment”. Let’s be clear, this is not to imply two men, or women, will drop into a 69 position and begin sucking each other off at random, this is still Disney, after all. And while, I do agree that sexuality has as much to do with children films as the Teletubby’s have starring in, oh say, Oliver Stone’s Natural Born Killers (Regency, 1994), we must remember that there isn’t in fact, any sex involved. Further, let us not forget what the entire premise of the film is about: Love. So, in closing, if the thought of two men expressing compassion for one another sends you into a reeling fit, while watching a film about a woman who becomes romantically involved with an animal, just shut your eyes and silently reassure yourself that beast fucking is 100% kosher.

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